I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize