bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
