Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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