He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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