U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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