hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
