I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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