I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just googled if crying burns calories
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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