you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
