why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize