went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
