Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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