Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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