you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
