Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
