So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
