she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
