we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
