butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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