it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So many bounce houses so little time
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
