Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
