you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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