last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
