So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
