You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
