bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
