Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
