he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
