I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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