Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
