he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
