I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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