people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We just shotgunned beers for America
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
