I love black thongs
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize