Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My balls are so social today.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
