I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
