it's great music for shaving your balls
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize