This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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