dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
