i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
