i just wanna soil my oats bro
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
