My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
