Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
do herpes really smell.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Randomize
