is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
