After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
