Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
