The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
