I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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