i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
