Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
