I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
