I want to have your abortion
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
