i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
