When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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