I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
