Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
