It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Randomize
