I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
