I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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