like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
