hell yes lets make some ravioli
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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