our cab driver is having phone sex.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
