Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
