Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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