I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
