it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
