your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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