Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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