I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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