Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
