after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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