so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
