I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
