the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Be still, my beating vagina.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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