pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
