So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
