can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
