I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize