I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
