I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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