where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
