I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
