M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
