Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no, he came in my armpit
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
