i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
